Today was a good day for me. I went out and flew kites with some of my friends and although I was missing my wife, as she is away visiting family it was mostly a good day. But as I am writing this I am having some strange thoughts and emotions run through my mind. For some reason today as I was packing my kites at the Lake Park Kite Festival I had a random thought pass through my mind. What would my life be like had Vicki and I had kids. More importantly what would I be doing with my child or children had we conceived?
I need to stop here for a minute and tell you that I almost did not write this post as I don’t want my sweet wife to think for one minute that I regret marrying her. She knows in her heart that I don’t entertain those type of thoughts. She also knows that I don’t blame her for not being able to give me children and that I know that this was God’s plan for us. I may not understand or agree with God’s plan in this part of my life, but I except it for what it is. I know too that just because we don’t have kids does not mean that we are not loved by our Savior. I did hesitate slightly before writing this but I felt that I needed to share from the heart. I love you Vicki, please never forget that.
So there I was packing my kite bag. I was getting ready to zip up the case that contains my Prism 3-D when a random thought hit me. What would it have been like to share a day like today with my son had I had one? What would he thought about what I do? Would he be right there beside me helping me pack my bag? Would he feel strange that his 41 year old dad was just a big kid himself? What memories would we share later about this day? The smell of the wet grass, the feel of the cool spring wind on the back of our necks, or the smiles on the faces of the spectators and other fliers as they watched us play with our colorful kite collection. What would he have learned from me today? Would he have learned how to play well with others? Would he know how important it is to love those around you as much as you love yourself? Would he have been proud of me when I went back to pick up the trash that some of my fellow fliers so careless left behind when they were done flying? Just what would he have learned?
Then the thought occurred to me what would I have learned from him? Just the fact that a son would be out spending the day with his dad has to be a precious thing. I know so many father and son teams that hardly ever spend any time together. Would he share my enthusiasm for the simple things in life, or would he merely go to humor me?
I would hope that if I had a son that he would love me and want to be with me. That we would see the world in somewhat the same way. I would not want him to be a perfect carbon copy of me, because I would never wish that on anyone, but I would hope that we would have some of the same interests. I would hope I could teach him about God, and show him through my life how important it is to try to always please the Lord. I would want him to be well rounded, and unlike me, to place a high value on his education. I would hope that I would be a good teacher to him about what this life is all about. I also would hope that he would learn from my mistakes and from my failings so he would not be forced to repeat them. I would want him to not have to learn things the hard way, as I did.
I guess part of what got me thinking about such things was watching all the moms and dads at the park with their children. I was not jealous of them at all, but my only thought was what is it that they are passing on to their sons and daughters. You know even in the subtle things we say and do we teach our children something. What do you children learn from you when you don’t know they are looking or listening. Do you they hear you yelling obscenities at the car in front of you because they are not going fast enough or blocking your way? Do they hear you praying at night when you and your wife are in bed? Do they see and hear you doing things that you have told them not to do? Do they see daddy eyeing another woman when he thought no one was looking? These are the type of things that I have the luxury of pondering simply because I have no children. All these questions are hypothetical to me, but how about you? Do you have kids. If so how are you doing in these areas?
I know this post does not come close to detailing all the things a mother or a father must ponder as they raise their children. I also know that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. I also know we are all in process. I just hope that if you are a parent and you are reading this that you understand that if you have not been the best example to your children that you can start today. No, you can not take back the times you have failed you children, but maybe you can start today to make a change for the better while you still have some influence with your children. If you don’t know where to start I would like to suggest you start be reading the Bible with them and Praying with them on a daily basis. I know it sounds old fasion and a bit cleche but I think there is some truth in the fact that the family who prays together stays together. I would hope that if I had a son I would teach him that lesson first.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect nor do I feel that I am a subject matter expert. Oh, and I feel like I have a long way to go before anyone would want to use me as an example of a Godly man, but I do think of these things and ponder them in my heart. I hope that something that I wrote here will challenge and inspire you to want to be the best person you can be if not for your kids, for the kids of others who are watching you. We owe it to the next generation to be a better people than even we think we can be, and we can only do that by walking with God daily.
